What a Clever Gadget

Before I launch into another burst of indignation about the difficulties of negotiating modern life, a quick update on the “Red bike”, also known as “The Red Bike”.

http://colinhawker.blogspot.com/2011/06/red-bicycle.html

I have had many concerned emails about this Bike. David Gray has thanked me for finding it for him, after he got lost on the way home in Derbyshire one day, and couldn’t remember where he had parked it. Others have made similar sightings which add to the theory that they are planted by aliens.

More recently, an empty tin of Red Bull was neatly placed in its shopping basket, adding to the sense of modern art. Should it now be relabelled “The Red Bicycle with Red Bull Can”, thereby adding to the sense of surrealism? (Louise – How am I doing?)

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However, “The Red Bicycle with Red Bull Can” was not intended as today’s main story. I am beginning to fight a losing battle with today’s technology. Last week, I was moving the cursor on my Laptop, when the screen size changed. Everything became bigger. The cursor did not move, but as I gave it a little wiggle, the main title moved in and out. I don’t know how I did it, but it was very impressive. Actually, I did not want my screen size changed, but you don’t always get a choice in these things. The most interesting thing is that this happens randomly, but fairly frequently.

Two weeks ago, the screen decided to go sideways, so I had to stand the laptop on its side. I then had to move the mouse on the pad to the right, and to move the cursor downwards on the screen. And if that has given you a headache just reading it, then you can imagine what it did to me, as I tried to read my junk mail, with the latest offers from French websites for unlikely pharmaceutical products and people asking me for my bank details.

And it gets worse. Earlier this year, when I was England, my outlook calendar decided to change the time zone of my PC (I am not sure how it knew this), but didn’t change back when I returned to Zurich. It obviously doesn’t like Switzerland. Perhaps that’s why it keeps switching on the Google translator.

Now the automatic Google translator could be really useful, if you needed an English translation of a German Website. The time that it is not useful is when you are looking at an online German-English translator. Can you imagine a Dictionary that translates English words into (Yes) English words (and not always correctly)?

Then there the websites that assume, because I am in Switzerland, I want the German version of the website. Google still doesn’t believe that I prefer English, and keeps reverting to German. Google is not doing well this week, is it?

But it is not only the computer conspiring against me. Our oven is in league with Google. I was wondering why a pastie would not cook, when I realised the oven was off. Now this is not as stupid as it sounds. The “off” switch for the timer is the same as the “off” switch for the oven. So if you get too excited when switching the timer off, you get underdone pasties. Perhaps it could be developed into a feature. 
But not all problems are insoluble. My Dad says that there is an easy solution to the changing clocks problem - http://colinhawker.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-did-you-spend-27th-march.html - This is to leave the clocks on British Summer time. That way you don’t have to take any action, and you are always early for everything during the winter.

Sounds like the best advice that I have received in years.