Thalwil – Cultural City of Europe

Before I get to the main point of today’s blog, I must report on the latest progress on “What do I do with my vuvuzela?” In case, you had forgotten, these were the trumpet type instruments that were handed out at the 2010 Football World Cup in South Africa. Here is a short clip just to remind you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpXN8BvGp_o

(Do you remember now?)

My friend, Boris Kraus, bought me one, in German colours of course. This was used to great effect in the Germany vs Argentina quarter-finals, where the Hawkers could be seen blowing the Boris vuvuzela in the Marquee in Laax. We must obviously claim some of the credit for Germany’s 4 – 0 victory.

The question that has been taxing people is what does one do with a redundant vuvuzela?

Help is at hand. We have been told that a survey was carried out in South Africa to find the most popular use for a redundant vuvuzela. The use that came out on top was as a toilet roll holder. Not to be outdone, the “Boris Kraus vuvuzela” has now come out of the cellar and takes pride of place in the toilet by the front door.

Here are some pictures as we tested this idea.

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Now on to the main article of the day.

You might think that this is the neighbours just putting out their washing to dry. The weather was pretty damp, so it took a long time. Several weeks in fact, after which one begins to suspect that it might not be washing after all, and if it is washing, then someone is going short of his or her clothes.

 

 

No. This is more Thalwil art.

 

 

The reason that I say “More” Thalwil art, is that many of you will remember the Red Bicycle (with a Capital “R” and a Capital “B”).

Here are three links from my Blog last year:

14 June - First one    http://colinhawker.blogspot.com/2011/06/red-bicycle.html

Update of Red Bicycle http://colinhawker.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-clever-gadget.html

26 July - Demise of the Red Bicycle http://colinhawker.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-thanks-to-indian-embassy-visa.html

Do you remember the tears welling up in your eyes, when Grumpy broke the news that the Red Bicycle was no more? Such sadness. I am not sure whether anyone has ever written a book “Funeral for a Bicycle”, but if they haven’t, then there is clearly an opening here.

But back to Thalwil Art and the drying laundry. You will notice the shop to the right of the picture. “kultur labor” – a culture laboratory. This is a place where people carry out (humane and pain-free) experiments on Culture. Imagine that. If you ever wanted to know how to experiment on culture, then Thalwil is the place to come; the place where they tie Red Bicycles to railings and hang their washing out for six weeks.

So what are we to make of this particular experiment? Is it an illusion? Is the television satellite dish part of the art? Does the train form part of the art, as it finishes its journey into the City of Zurich? 

If the Red Bicycle explored the meaning of existence (where do I get this nonsense from?), then what significance should we place on “The Thalwil Washing”.

Is it a protest against the slavery of domestic work? Is it the opposite, perhaps, being a celebration of the liberating effects of the weekly washing. Do the shirts display patterns of Time and Space?

Perhaps this could start a trend. All towns could have washing on show in the high street, instead of putting up Christmas tree lights. There should be a national hanging out your washing day, complete with appropriate cards to be bought on Moonpig.com. “Happy Hanging out your Washing Day”.  

What next? Watch this space. How can the people of Thalwil build on these artistic triumphs? “Thalwil – Cultural City of Europe 2013”. Forget Liverpool, as the cultural centre of Europe. Come to Thalwil.

But Thalwil has got a long way to go to catch up with Minnesota. (Charlie – I haven’t heard from you for a long while, so I thought I would throw this in)

Please note that no bicycles, shirts or trousers, clothes-pegs or washing-lines have been harmed or distressed during the writing of this blog.

HISTORY LESSONS

History lessons used to be so simple, at least in principle. You were given a list of dates of great English victories, usually over the French and you had to learn them. I wasn’t very good at this, but I could see the point. You needed some direction as to who were the good guys and who were the bad guys. A bad guy could be one of ours, usually if he (and it was always a man) lost a battle against the French.

We won’t talk about relations between the English and the Scots, especially in these delicate times.

However, the French have come up with another wheeze. They are going to make history a matter of law. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-16811533. This particular case is even better, as it relates to the history of another country.

I think that this raises all kinds of possibilities, which all countries should use. Instead of having a curriculum for history, you qualify as a lawyer and learn “The Historical Truth”, and if you don’t like it, you go to prison. There is a certain intellectual simplicity to this, and avoids the need to do any serious research or thinking for oneself, neither of which I am very good at.

There are other possibilities as well. I haven’t seen the French legal small print, but if they were to extend the law to such “Illegal statements made anywhere”, they could start locking up Turks, as soon as they came into France on holiday.

The border control guards on the French border could hand out multiple choice questions to travellers coming into the country. If they were incorrectly answered, then they would be locked them up.

Better still, Turkey could pass the opposite law and start locking up French business men (apparently, the French are better at exporting goods to Turkey that the Turks are at exporting into France). Wherever you are in the world, and whatever you say on the subject, you would be in trouble.

Extradition lawyers would have a field day, with the Turks and the French extraditing each other all day long. Planes would be full of Turks flying to France to be put on trial and Frenchmen flying to Turkish jails.

This principle could be extended globally. If the U.S. became involved, who knows where this might lead. The U.S. could pass a law, saying that it is illegal to state that England’s third goal in the 1966 Football World Cup went across the line. England, of course, playing fair by all this, will pass no opposite law, and before you know where we are, we are all being extradited to the U.S. This will merely reinforce a current trend, and we all end up in U.S. jails, something that is quite likely to happen anyway, courtesy of the English courts.

Do you have a favourite piece of English history? (I will leave the Scots to lobby Alex Salmon). Would you like it enshrined in English Law? Then lobby your MP, make the business case in terms of votes to be won and Bob’s your Uncle.

If you choose something that your neighbours disagree with, then you have the joy of seeing them locked up. Be careful though, in case they get in first. Answer all questions with “I think that Ipswich Town Football Team are the finest football team, the world has ever seen.”, until this becomes outlawed, which it ought to be. 

Easy, Innit.

By the way, as I travel across France in the car, from time to time, I should like to add that in my opinion Nicolas Sarkozy and all future French Presidents are very fine fellows (to the extent that this is not already a matter of law).