I have spent over 10
years in Switzerland now. When it comes to the tests to see how far you’ve gone
native, I score pretty well. On returning to Norwich (which is a part of
England, for those of you who did not know) for a few months, I did better than
expected in adapting to my “new culture”.
Just before coming
back to England for five months, I was asked by a friend what I particularly
liked about Switzerland. My answer was pretty poor (railways, mountains, etc –
I did not even mention low taxes), so I was motivated to keep some notes, while
in Norwich, of what I liked, disliked or just observed about England or
Switzerland.
The list was fairly
long on all three counts, with some surprising entries (e.g. I like the
suggested recipes on the sides of sauces in English supermarkets. You might not
think is important, but as an amateur chef, I came to like this).
But I know that you
have all read the title, so you know what is coming next.
I was in a car park
with Hazel by a store like B & Q – it wasn’t B & Q, but that is not the
point. The point was that a man, who had parked next to us, came up and I made
a complementary observation about his car. Within 5 minutes of banter back and forth,
he had told me how old the car was, how old he was, how many grandchildren he
had and so on and he probably heard similar information about me. (As we were
both male, we will both have forgotten everything within 90 seconds, except
that I remember that his car was red – I think).
Yes – English is my
native language and this was England. I consider myself something of an expert
of the English language, having used it from a very early age. However, as I was
forcibly reminded with some disdain by a German lady in Zurich, “Colin, you
have been in Switzerland for 10 years and you still don’t speak German
fluently”. You have to admire the motivational words.
And yes – in Tesco
Express on the Unthank Road “Hier spricht man Englisch” – Hurrah. Time for some
banter about the weather, the Olympics, BBQs in the rain, Princess Katie or
whatever else was on everyone’s mind at the time or having a minor rant (in
English) about the automatic pay machines.
I have become
convinced that banter (and probably humour and swearing) is only done well in
one’s mother tongue. Here in Switzerland, because I can say “Grüezi” (normal
greeting) with a reasonably good accent, I receive in return some sentiments in
the local dialect. This is both flattering and totally reasonable. However, my
response has to be (in my best German) “Sorry, but I am English, however, I
speak some high (formal) German.”
This leads either to
the conversation coming to an end or just as likely to a perfectly formed
sentence in English from the other person, who having been to university in England,
speaks fluent English. This is not the same as banter.
Best places for banter
are: car parks, supermarket check-outs, fish and chip shops, (but not in Indian
takeaways), bus stops when it is pouring with rain and buying theatre tickets.
You may have other suggestions.
When we first arrived
in Norwich (England), we had to force ourselves not ask whether they spoke
English. (There was one occasion when I spoke to a cashier in the local Tesco Express
in German by accident). Imagine being in a street in England and someone asking
you if you speak English. I know that England has become multicultural, but
that would be too much.
So it is probably true.
The English are just not good at languages. We don’t get enough practice. And
why should we – everyone else speaks English. Are we spoiled or just lazy?
Perhaps a bit of both.
In the meantime, to
answer my friend’s question, one of the things I like about England is that
everyone speaks English.
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