Writing a Novel - Enlisting the Efforts of Grumpy’s supporters

I have been challenged to write a novel. A friend of ours was good enough to inform me of a forthcoming Novel Writing Challenge. November is national Novel Writing Month. It doesn’t say which country, so I am not sure if I am eligible, and secretly, I am hoping that I am not.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

“If you can write a Blog, you should write a novel”, she said. This is what many of the readers of my U.S. trip blog have been shouting to me. Do I dare believe that this is really and honestly deserved? Modesty would normally forbid me to comment further, but I should say that I am having problems getting my head through doors these days.

Now I am not normally persuaded to embark on ambitious and dangerous tasks, even when encouraged and pushed along by friends and supporters. Furthermore, if it is true that we all have a novel in us, waiting to get out, I am not sure where mine has been hiding. Perhaps it has been removed by accident, taken with an extracted tooth, when giving a blood sample, or simply abducted by aliens.

“Only 50,000 words in one month is the target”, She casually announced. “…and it is not a competition. Just an opportunity to have a peer group review and comment. A kind of friendly audience”. More like friendly fire, if you ask me. Sounds like some ancient form of masochism.

Do you have any idea what 50,000 words look like? “It’s only about 175 pages”, she helpfully added. “HOW MANY?” I replied. You can tell that I was getting agitated at this point. “My U.S. Trip blog was only about 20,000 words” (I have no idea really, but I was rallying my defences as best as I could).

O.K. calm down. Let’s build a plan, and see if we can make it run. I like plans.

First item, and this is where you come in, is “Enlist the Supporters”. After all, aren’t we always being told that cooperation (the word is “Collaboration” out here) is the best way forward. Actually, I have always believed that when someone asks me for their cooperation then I am either being coerced into something or someone wants something for nothing. I am very rarely disappointed…and yes, in this case, I am asking you to do something for nothing.

In the words of the well known lie, “Your opinion matters”. This is a subtle way of saying, “Send me an idea; if I like it, I will use it under my own name. If I do not like it, I will ignore it and say “Thank you very much for your valuable contribution. We will take this into account in reaching our decision (which we have probably already taken)”.

First Problem – Every novel need a plot. This is less of a problem than you might imagine, as the kind lady who suggested this says that this may not be necessary in this case. If this is so, I have a very good chance of making it to first base.

I was suitably encouraged at this point, I felt as if I was in with a chance. I asked whether it needed to have properly formulated sentences. My thinking here was that I could use a random word selector, along the lines of “Monkeys typing at random and producing the works of Shakespeare.” She thought that this was an interesting and useful idea, and represented some good “Out of the Box” thinking. However, perhaps it was too advanced for the time being. The more traditional construction with subjects and objects, (using Nouns and pronouns), linked together with verbs to create sentences would more acceptable. Very orthodox.

Here is my first question to you. Do you have any ideas for a suitable plot? Only ground rules are that it must be decent and cruelty to garden gnomes is not allowed.

Second Problem – How many characters should be there be? Will there be any dialogue?

Third Problem – What tense and person should it be in? Sorry if this is a bit technical. The point is, is the person “I”, or “He”.

Then, should it be in the past or present tense? Too many decisions, and we do not even have a plot yet.

Fourth and other Problems – How many chapters should it have? How long should the paragraphs be? Should there be sub-paragraph heading? Will it have a happy ending or be a dark sinister story, leaving the reader with an empty, hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Perhaps I could write one chapter per week, circulate it, and ask for suggestions for the next week’s chapter, a kind of democratic version of “The Archers” or “East Enders”.

Now I am getting somewhere. This blog is about 800 words. Let’s make this the first chapter and go for 32,000 words. Only 39 more chapters to write. Any thoughts, comments or words of wisdom to colin.hawker@bluewin.ch