Flat Eric Awards

My good friend Nigel Rogers an his wife, Christina, have been staying with us. We were discussing the dismal state of the world and agreed that it wasn’t like this in our day. For some reason, we had read an article in the Spectator, which wrote about the proliferation of award ceremonies, the particular one in question at that time being the BAFTAs.

So because we were in disagreeing mood, we disagreed and decided that the Spectator must be wrong and there were not enough awards.

This deficiency needs to be addressed. We have decided to establish our own awards. Too many people have been excluded from having an award, the categories discriminating against people who don’t qualify. As discrimination is a bad thing, someone should do something.

Everyone must win something. For example, Nigel has been nominated for the Cooking Ratatouille on Monday award. Christina will be nominated for the “Skiing with her Skis very close together 15 yards ahead of Colin” award. Colin will be nominated for the “Complaining very loudly about the music before it has been switched on” award. And so on. You get the idea.

We will need our own Awards ceremony and everyone must cry and be very emotional. Flat Eric, our sponsor, will take charge of the proceedings.

Flat Eric will be lobbying the Government to set up an “Awards Equality Commission” Do you think that he can get a grant for this?