The Exercise Car

If I was in charge of world innovation, we would still be living in caves. I am one of those people (the only person?) who thought that “DOS” commands on a Personal computer, were fine and that Microsoft Windows just a sop for lazy people. My life was fine without Windows and mice. Why do we need it now? (My cave is fine. Why do we need to live in houses?).

Having said that, as a child, I did think that carpets were a huge improvement over Lino (Linoleum; not Lino Guglielmo, a very good colleague of mine in New York). But apart from Lino, innovation has a great deal to answer for.

In a continuing spirit of personal honesty, it could be said that I am just a “late adopter”. I could rationalise this by saying that I will buy it when all the bugs are ironed out. The truth is that it takes me two years at least before I can bring myself to try out, say, an IPod. And I am still an IPod user. In fact, I am probably the only person in Zurich who has bought an 8 Gb IPod in the last 6 months and does not have an iPhone. (Perhaps the iPhone will get a chance in two years time, which means that the iPad will have to wait until 2015. By this time it will be obsolete, but only cost £50, and have 100 terabytes of memory)

Latest on my “I will never use a …….” list, is GPS. I mean, what is wrong with a map. Can’t people read anymore! I would never have one in my car. And this brings me to the car. I remember thinking “Who needs electric windows?” “….air conditioning? – just leave the windows open”. The list goes on.

So here is my new innovation. The Exercise Car.

- Fitness engine starting feature. Insert a metal bar into the grill and turn it vigorously
- Special feature for cold weather; pulling a control on the dashboard to enrich the petrol mixture
- Windows are operated by levers in the door, and which build the arm muscles
- Air conditioning is removed, so that the occupants can enjoy the benefits of fresh air, while driving
- Radio, which is operated by turning a dial, and watching the pointer move along the gauge
- 0 – 60 mph in 2 minutes, reducing fuel consumption

Final note on the car front. New car is on the Grumpy Project list. Just at the project concept stage, you understand. Place your bets now as to whether it will have GPS or not. NOOOOOO!