Who does the dotted line belong to?

Switzerland loves cyclists. In fact, most forms of exercise are encouraged. The authorities go to great lengths and expense to assist in this. Anyone who has been hiking in Switzerland will acknowledge the richness of information on the walking signs. “Albis – 1 hr 45 mins” has much more information than “2 miles” and then omitting to say that there is a climb up of 1, 250 feet.

Cyclists also well catered for. On many main roads, they are protected from the motorist (the enemy), by a white line, over which the motor car shall not pass.

But who owns the white line. Does the wheel of the bike have to be inside the white line? Must the whole of the body of the cyclist have to be over the white line? Can the wheels of the bike be on the line? What a huge number of questions? I need a lawyer.

Imagine if the motorist has the same idea. Suppose both are entitled to be on the white line. Can a cyclist and a motor car exist in the same space_time co-ordinate?

So, as a cyclist, I stay as far as I can in my cycle lane, so as to avoid a motorist exercising his rights of ownership over the white line. As a driver, I stay away from the cyclist exercising his rights over the line.

Am I allowed to hoot him, as I pass? Not even quietly?

What they teach in Ski School

Tobogganists may go on any run and paths, including those used by skiers and walkers. In addition, there are tracks made specifically for them, but these are optional.

Snowboarders must learn to stop and sit down at any point, preferably sitting side by side at the top of slopes and especially where the ski runs narrow.

Under 10s – Queuing at ski lifts is optional. Parents are allowed to follow.

Beginners and Intermediate skiers must learn to ski as close to others. Do not make use of the width of the ski run. Make friends and be close to people, by overtaking and then falling over directly in front of others.

Expert and Intermediate Skiers may take part in a competition to cross directly in front of a beginner and to get as near to the front of their skis as possible. No points are awarded for crossing over the back of the beginner’s skis.

Expert Skiers must make long turns at high speed, to ensure that a deep rut is left. When this freezes over, an inexperienced skier will fall over, creating laughter for all.

General Information. It is important to be able to recover quickly having caused an accident, in order to ski off. Leaving personal details only creates work between insurance companies, and may delay the first beer of the evening.

I am glad that I have got this lot off my chest. Now I can find something else to complain about.

Winter Fun in Laax

Today we were in Laax again. Minus 15 degrees but not a cloud in the sky. So cold that, at the car wash, the water froze solid on the car. I won't try that again.

No skiing this weekend, just walking at 8,000 feet, enjoying the wonderful views.

On coming back to Laax (at a mere 3,500 feet), we visited the Snow Festival, where the whole village including children, turned out for the Swiss winter equivalent of a summer fete. Lunch just had to be Bratwurst, followed by freshly made doughnuts.

Shouting at the Television

I have always found it very therapeutic to shout at the television and the people on the news, the broadcasters, interviewers, interviewees, and the journalists themselves. They are so irritating.

Of course, my behaviour is disruptive and annoying to anyone trying to watch. It is also irrational. But I have been off form recently. Not nearly enough anger and heckling recently. But I was on good form Monday evening. “What is the matter with that man? Has he got a crick in his neck?” referring to the reporter in Los Angeles, who had his head at 45 degrees, as if consoling an upset colleague, speaking about the arrest of Michal Jackson’s doctor.

“Can’t that woman shut up?” I shouted as the presenter asks the same question in 4 different ways, taking longer than the answer itself. Then of course, there was a senior civil servant, desperately trying to stay on script, looking sincere, but with his hands, shoulders and, in fact all moving bodily parts, totally static, as he talks in a style that I reserve for reading train timetables. “Has he got piles?”

Then I was brought down to earth, as I waited to hear whether the name of the soldier killed in Afghanistan is someone we know. There is an empty feeling the in the bottom of the stomach, which is not relieved as the name is not given, although the family have been informed. Now I go quiet.

Haud Civitas Sententia

Lucy Kellaway writes a weekly column in the Financial Times. With wit and insight as her main weapons, she challenges and mocks much of what is accepted as corporate wisdom. This Monday’s article was in praise of Latin mottos. You should to read it to understand the relevance of this.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4a849ce4-128f-11df-a611-00144feab49a.html?ftcamp=rss

Inspired by this, I went in search of my own Latin motto. Not sure where to start, I looked at my own blogs to see if there were some discernible themes to draw on.

There are some personal news items. Not much mileage here. There are some speculations about subjects on which there is no general interest, such as the neglect of Prime Numbers, whether the 3rd wise man was actually a shepherd collected on the way, and the merits of reading books backwards. Possibly something here.

There are some observations about everyday life. And there are opinions, dressed up as questions. You will recognise this as a coward’s way of making a statement while being able to deny any particular meaning, the blog equivalent of a deniable Cabinet Meeting leak.

I am beginning to see a pattern here. “No stated opinions”, seems to be a theme, which according to one online translator is “Haud Civitas Sententia”. This sounds sufficiently grand for the purpose.

All I need now is a coat of arms to go with it. All contributions welcome.

I am a Hero (and Stretching before Starbucks)

You may already know that I am planning to complete a mini Triathlon in April. This has required frequent (but short) training sessions, with my co-mini-triathlete, Jim. Cycling training has not yet started, because of the weather, but the swimming and running is ahead of schedule.

Today was running. The temperature outside was 2 degrees, which sounds bad. However, even with the wind factor, this is better than minus 2 degrees, as the ice has mostly melted (or bad, if you prefer an excuse to stay indoors).

To my shame, I failed to appreciate the cry of one of my colleagues, who exclaimed “You are my Hero”. My English reserve came to the front. I replied “Why?” Quickly recovering from this bad start, “But of course. Am I not I everybody’s hero?” Overdoing it somewhat now.

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The secret of running in public, when it is cold (and you would rather be indoors, instead of being one of your colleague’s heroes), is to walk fast, but make it look as if you are running. This is the athletic equivalent of a PowerPoint Presentation, This will be recognisable to those of you familiar with the art of taking nothing and making it appear like a strategic change for a multi-national company.

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On returning from my run, a college from Finance said that he had thought of going jogging, but decided to buy a Starbucks coffee instead. After brief discussion on this point, we decided that this must be the equivalent of 5 km. Of course, as a good fellow athlete, I reminded him of the need to stretch before and after drinking Starbucks.

Perhaps, it is necessary to stretch before and after PowerPoint Presentations.

It’s Official

It’s Official. We are the worst skiers on the slopes. Well, if it is not official, then it ought to be. We have spent enough effort making sure that we struggle down all slopes, being overtaken by 3 year olds and generally upsetting the flow of the skiers gracefully and skilfully gliding down the Piste.

However, there are moments, when this is in doubt. I nearly overtook a ski instructor today with two 4 year olds, before they decided to ski off down to the end Station. Occasionally we witness a skier out for the first or second time, when we can enjoy a brief moment of triumph.

There are many consolations. We enjoy being outside. We stop frequently to look at the snow covered mountains. Even on a gloomy day like today, the scenery is spectacular (unless the light is so bad that you don’t know if you are moving or not).

So we will continue to plod up and down, trying not to annoy the snowboarders too much and dreaming of black runs (very difficult) and other ski resorts waiting to be conquered.